Assumption and Fear

Every phase in human life, we encounter problems. The best and hard problems sometimes comes unexpected. To solve that, we have a choice : plan the solution, or use our instinct. When planning seems too stiff and orthodox, "go with the flow" or use our instinct made an option. That's what happened in my brain, in my life. I want not to have target, unplanned. nothing... that's seems easy.

This was completely different from what I did last year, in my first year in ITB. That time, I was so busy. Doing this, doing that. Everything seems so dynamic. I do different things everyday. Debating, organizing, studying, meeting new people. I did it all at once, at one day. I make my own agenda, I plan my timeline of the day. I write it all in my blackberry or my notes. I often have to choose between my activity, and I value myself as a capable person to do so. Simply said, I have what it takes to take on many responsibility, and still managed to do best in academic.

Now, my preferences are different. I don't want to join any activity. hmmm seemingly I don't want to take on any responsibility. I simply want to do things easily, in other words, I just want to do things that is easy to do. hahahaha. I want to just focus on my academic, and my mother. I don't have any target to be key person in many organisations or community. although it seems cool and doing nothing seems a waste.

Again, I ask to myself. Yes, life's been harsh. Yes, I encounter problems. that suppose to be a good thing right? I mean I have to make good of something! All my life, what I've been through, I have to make every expereience added some value to my life, myself, my quality. this is the time for me to learn, to push myself. so doing nothing is a wrong thing!!!

I started to have plans for what i do on that day. But these few days, that plan is rubbish. I always do different things from what I planned. hmmm this becoming so frustrating. The source is...my mood.. My father often said "Kamu terlalu terbawa emosi sih. Apa-apa tergantung emosi. Kalo dosennya ga sreg dikit, langsung males dengan matkulnya". Yes father, you know me best..do you have any suggestion?